i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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