Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
