the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
