There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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