I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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