Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
