i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
