I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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