i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
