I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
