why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
