New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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