i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
