your parents love me but you hate me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
