none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
