im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
People in love make me want to vomit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
