They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
