she woke up with a sticky ear
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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