dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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