So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
