I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My dick has a subreddit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
