bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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