nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize