You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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