Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
