Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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