i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
