I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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