are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
