Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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