There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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