He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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