Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
