i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
