so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
