he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
