so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
