dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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