Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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