Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
