Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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