I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Life is so much better after having sex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
