Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
