I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
