apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
