i think my tv is drunk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
