Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
