you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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