when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
