I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
