Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
