I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
