I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drake has all the answers
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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