masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
