I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
