I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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