They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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