I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
