i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
