i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize