So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
