At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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