I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let's get the cat blown out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
