My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
