she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize