Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
