Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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