even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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