I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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