Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
