You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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