There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
