he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize