1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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