I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this just has baby written all over it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
