Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
