So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she looked like the before picture.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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