New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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