She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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