My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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