I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
