just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
