why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
